I always planned to cosleep with my children. I coslept with my mother a bit longer than I am proud to admit, so the concept of cosleeping has never been weird to me. As a child it was very comforting knowing my mother was close so I could snuggle up to her when I felt sick or scared. My mother has said it made caring for me, especially as a baby, much easier. If I roused in the middle of the night, she was often able to pat my back and I would go back to sleep. We both share fond memories of the experience.
Which is why it surprised me my mother seemed so against and surprised the fact that my husband and I had decided our son would be sleeping with us.
She asked me on more than one occasion what my husband would do with a baby in the way. Poor husband? Poor me! Poor husband gets to have 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night since I’m nursing. Poor husband indeed.
My mother was of course, referring to sex. She stated she probably wouldn’t have coslept with me if she had had a man living with her (my father was involved with my life, but they didn’t live together). I don’t see how my son’s needs are any different if his father does or does not sleep with him.
So, back to sex. How does one have sex with a baby in your bed? Anywhere and everywhere. Spontaneity is out the door the second you have a child, so that takes a huge step out of the equation. Essentially, the only place we can’t make love is where the baby is laying. Right now, our bub is so little that we occasionally do it in our bedroom while he is sleeping (although we have to claim the end of the bed), but most nights we turn our baby monitor on to sound only and do it another room (Something about a sleeping baby stirring is just not that sexy).
Although the most comfortable place is taken, we have so many new creative options to try! Over time, we’ll eventually regain our bed, but for now it’s not something I worry about. Humans have coslept with our young for centuries have made it work. Intimacy is just one more aspect of our relationship we have to work harder on, but in the end it’s worth it (and fun!). Baby number two is due March 2017, so we know for sure it’s possible!
Lorrin @ embracetheperfectmess.com says
We coslept with all 4 of our babies. We are actually still cosleeping with number 4. And number 2 sleeps in our bedroom on the floor. That question always drives me crazy. 1. It’s nobody’s business, and 2. Clearly, the bed isn’t the only place to “be” with your husband. Such silliness. Thanks for be bold enough to address this.
Everyone asked me “what about your sex life??” when I told them we were cosleeping with our son. I always thought this was strange…. do people not realize there are more places to have sex than in the bed? Maybe my husband and I are much more wild than I thought!
I know, right? I wouldn’t consider myself or my husband to be particularly adventurous, so its weird this question comes up at all.