Fourth of July was a really memorable one for my family this year. Not only was it Ethan’s first Fourth of July, but we also got the unexpected news that we would be expecting again. After feeling fatigued all weekend no matter how much sleep I got, I decided to take a pregnancy test, and sure enough, it came up positive. Although my husband and I were planning on waiting to conceive until next year, we are thrilled at the prospect of another little one.
Even though I’m excited, I also am finding myself terrified. Ethan isn’t even a year old yet, and will only be a little over a year and a half when the new baby is born. I’m scared of having this close in age. Will Ethan understand there is another baby in mommy and daddy’s life? Will Ethan still be nursing? How do we manage to cosleep with a newborn without waking up a toddler? This of course opens up the possibility they will be playmates when they are older and hopefully the best of friends.
Early pregnancy terrifies me. Having had a first trimester miscarriage in 2014 (you can read my full miscarriage story here) it’s virtually all I can think about. Do I tell other people to share in our joy? Do I keep it to myself in case of a pregnancy loss? I’ve decided on a mixture of the two. Letting close family and friends (and the entire internet I suppose by posting this), but choosing to wait to tell my coworkers at my away from home job. Will breastfeeding and pumping hurt the new baby? Most information points to no, but it seems the jury is still out. However, it doesn’t keep my mind from thinking that.
I suppose I should call my doctor soon; but then they will want to do a dating scan and that scares me. What if I hear the dreaded words ‘no heartbeat’? Will I be able to handle that a second time? Will I be able to handle not knowing?
Overall, my husband and I are excited with the prospect of our growing family. We’re financially and emotionally ready for the continuing journey through parenthood. And although it wasn’t exactly the timing we had planned, we wouldn’t change anything about it.